I won’t lie to you: giving birth is no picnic. Does it hurt? You bet. A lot? Yup. From the moment the contractions start to when they come one on top of the
other and the baby’s head is crowning, it is an experience like no other. But the pain is just a part of what has to be the most amazing and humbling experience in this world: the birth of a child. It is truly priceless. Or is it?
Introducing: the “push present”, the latest concept in gift-giving. The New York Times wrote about this new (or not so-new) trend this month, and the latest issue of Family Edge, the family issues newsletter of MercatorNet.com, mentions it as well. It is, apparently, a gift (read: reward) given to a new mother by her husband (or partner) to make up for the pain and suffering of having borne their new baby in her womb for 9 months and then undergoing labour and childbirth. And by the way, we’re not talking a nice floral arrangement here. A new mother was gifted by her husband with a $17,000-diamond pair of earrings in the delivery room. Another woman, after dropping hints for her husband, was the on the receiving end of 2 gemstone-studded rings — one for each of her two kids. She wears them everyday and believes there is something about them that is more “weighty” than her wedding ring. Talk about bling-bling!
In a lot of ways, the whole experience of having a child is a gift in itself. The life that begins ever quietly and slowly grows into a separate but connected being in a mother’s womb is one of life’s greatest miracles. Certainly, it is so much a woman’s experience: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But the father is present in all of this, whether he wants to be so or not. The child has come into being because of two people, not one. It seems to me that this new gift-giving fad somehow discounts the importance of the father. Do we start keeping tabs on who suffered when, where and how? Should there be some sort of a score card that keeps track of how many points (or dollars?!) such experiences are worth?
The idea that something material, however expensive and gorgeous, can somehow make up for pain seems very demeaning. I do not need baubles and whatnot to make up for undergoing something that has resulted in a new member of our family. I love the fact that my husband chooses to hold my hand during labour, reminding me to breathe, when in truth the sight of blood unnerves him. And long after I have gotten over the pains of childbirth, it is our children that stand out as the true treasure in our lives.
Hi Barbara! I’m thrilled to be able to keep up with the whole Padolina family through the Internet. You are a gifted writer and I am looking forward to your postings.
I have a blog too! It’s in French however… Let me know if you would like to get an invite.
Love and prayers
Veronique
I have had 8 children also, but never really found it painful if I kept on top of the contractions and avoided all medication. I will admit the first one did hurt, but after that one I got a good midwife who taught me all sorts of things to do to counteract the pain, and from then on I never really had pain. I had a heck of a lot of hard work keeping the breathing very slow, the tones very low(guteral really), squating into the contractions to relieve back labour, getting into a whirlpool bath of hot water, walking most of the time, even sitting on the exercise ball and bouncing up and down. Hubby had to learn to pay attention to the stress in my shoulders and back and keep reminding me to relax, and give good back, neck and shoulder massages. But by working very, very hard I have found that I do not have pain. That final push is the most amazing feeling and getting that great reward, that little bundle of our love made flesh makes it all worthwhile.
I have gone to the hospital with many of my friends to help them do it the wy I do it and each of them has been amazed of how they truly can work with the pain to ease it.
I am waiting for one of my friends to call any day now to tell me the time has come. She is expecting her 8th baby and I went with her when her 5th was born and I may go this time too if the timing works out. Having an experienced friend there to help you keep going is another way to keep on top of the pain.
It truly is possible to be on top of the pain, but of course this is not always the case too. A few friends of mine who both have 12 told me that after the 9th things got harder again. Maybe I will be fortunate enough to try that one day.